bridget's story

A couple years ago my mom bought me a magnet for my fridge. It is black, with a picture of a climber looking out at mountain tops covered with clouds. Below the picture it says,

PROCRASTINATION

"Hard work often pays off after time,

But laziness always pays off now."

We laughed at it, because we both know that in a moment of choice I am always inclined to choose whatever offers the most immediate pleasure.

When I think about my testimony, about what God has done in my life and saved me out of, I always begin by thinking of who I would be without Christ-a promiscuous party girl, living solely for pleasing my self. Literally living without self-control over my temper, desires and actions.

I prayed the special prayer when I was eight and asked Jesus into my heart, and while I know this fact, I have no memory of it. When I was sixteen I decided I should be baptized (I had been baptized as a baby in the Catholic Church) and this was just after I had been grounded for six months as I had thrown a party while my parents were in Hawaii and lied to everyone who cared about me. I truly expected a “tongues of fire” moment; the Holy Spirit would descend upon me and I would live out the rest of my life for Christ without any work on my part.

Really it was just an interlude between the double life I was leading: one within the church with my Christian friends and the other seeking immediate gratification with whomever wherever I found it. When I went away to college at WSU, I planned a new beginning. I would be sold out for Christ and not do any “bad” things.

The reality was that it was more work then ever, and I consciously decided I would rather pursue the lies of the world than the truth of God. I remember literally saying to God (after a mere 3 weeks) “Ok, I know Jesus is my salvation, but I am going to do my own thing here and I will get back to You after college.” Really I saw God as the ultimate kill-joy and growing up meant Jesus and no fun. I wasn’t excited about heaven, it just sounded better then hell. The fact is that I lived, like James says, as one who looked at my face in the mirror and then walked away, forgetting what I looked like.

The truth that I see now is that God is a patient Father. I love the word best when it is translated as “long-suffering.” Wayne Grudem, in his Systematic Theology, describes God’s patience as “God’s goodness in withholding of punishment to those who sin over a period of time.” Mid-way into my sophomore year I was fairly disenchanted with the life I was living and wanted to drop out.

I finished out the year and moved into my Dad’s basement in Everett, going to community college and delivering beer. At the same time I went back to what I knew, our church, more out of wanting something to do rather then a conscious decision to pursue God. And yet, being there, being a part of the church and serving, God slowly called me back. I became a youth leader and as I had experienced the same need for answers as my students had (but had never got any), I also began using my paychecks to buy resources on apologetics and theology.

I didn’t notice I was changing. God’s work was so slow and so fun. God had better things for me than I had sought for myself. He worked changes in me that others saw before I even noticed. I began living for the gospel and it was beautiful. God’s work in me, what we call sanctification, began there. It wasn’t that powerful conversion moment I thought would happen. There were no tongues of fire or visions of rapture, there was just life lived daily for Jesus, who I now believed in, rather then “knew” about.