Chrissy P.'s Story

Well Seaside is reaching for the bottom of the barrel when they ask for my testimony, did I say that out loud ? Crystal asked me about doing this I believe a month ago. It sounded like an easy task, but one day went into another and I struggled for what to say or not say. Don't really feel qualified or good at being a Christan, still pretty amazed that God really wants an intimate real relationship with me, a schmuck from Bremerton. So I am praying this will be received in his authority and not my own. If anything , I would love my family and friends to hear how and to whom I profess my faith, so I guess it's all good.
I feel like God's hand was on me and in my life since early on. Didn't always acknowledge this and struggled with his purpose in the pain not only for me , but particularly the people in my life. Our family like so many were victimized by abuse and abandoned at times by this fallen world. No one ever wakes up and says hey I think this good looking , manipulative individual is cute I think I'll marry him so my children and loved ones can be tormented. It just happened. If anything I have learned a lot of offenders are snakes, some are very successful, good looking, seem nice, and spiritual leaders in some places. I am explaining that I was not the only victim, so read this with mercy and grace, we were all victims . God's permissive will allowed this to happen, but he also gifted me with a huge obnoxious mouth which often gets me into trouble. Had I not had this annoying mouth the abuse would have never been discovered or stopped at the age of 5. Never saw my biological s---- doner, or my grandmother on his side any more. What is interesting my brother later contacted him 2 yrs. ago and he never thought he did anything wrong, nor do I expect him to, unless its Gods will, my Grandmother lives in a nursing home in Florida and is 93, I guess I look like her, I have been petitioning in prayer for their forgiveness and peacefulness, probably out of pity because I know there is a just a fair God whom will make them know , and also hope even for them that they might know Christ and be forgiven as well........It only took me till I was almost 40 to do this,I am a slow learner.

I was baptised by my Grandpa at the age of 8. I knew God and Jesus loved me , and I felt loved during my baptism . But God and Jesus seemed distant still, literal like up in heaven. Someone I spoke to when things were reallllllly bad. Mom re-married , knucklehead #2, we all thought he was OK, we met him at church.... After years of my mother being emotionally abused, my bro. physically , and finally me as a young teen sexually abused. I would say the best thing that came from all this was my little sister, and all the free counseling, part of WA state's reformation program, thank you tax payers. He still was a bad guy but the abuse stopped, but I believe it was that loud mouth that I was blessed with that stopped it all again and protected my sister, it was God. we spent years in counseling, sometimes we would go 2-3 nights per wk. It was another blessing, I needed it to live. I was suicidal at times and put myself in scary situations over and over mostly because I felt responsible for it all. Again God's hand was on me at church camps, and protected more times than I even know, because physically I came through some pretty dark scary Godless places unscathed, Thank you God.
My Grandpa was, my hero, he was orphaned young, barely educated past the 3rd grade. But he was a great Grandpa, and he loved everyone , appropriately, he was safe, and the closest thing to a Dad I had known. Everyone knew him, he waved at everyone, even sometimes to no one, he fought on Normandy beach, he was one of my protectors. He died at the age of 62 while we were camping, I fished with him that morning. You always saw love and God at work in him even when he mumbled under his breath, or whatever, I think that's why everyone loved him. I finished nursing school by the grace of God, it was tough. I was engaged for 8yrs. to Jourdan's biological dad. I helped raise 4 of his 5 teens, Scotty for 6 yrs. I always seemed to pick good looking guys who were emotionally and physically unavailable, much of what I grew up with,so it seemed tolerable. Jourdan was born when I was 26yrs. It was one of the best things in my life, the scariest, the most humbling. We split up, due to Gods plan to give me a better life, which I didn't know was possible. At the time I hit bottom, wasn't that there was this great relationship lost, I lost the kids I took care of forever that was horrible, it was the last straw for me. I am sure I wouldn't have made it through all this without Jourdan. It wasn't the affair, I had come to expect little from most men. It was the fact I still felt responsible for everyone leaving. I was depressed, bitter,and angry. The only reason I made better choices for my life was for my child, and then after a while they became for me as well. I began to pray more when I became a Mom. With God's hand still on me I quit smoking after 10 yrs. I met and married a great guy, George. Talk about ascary leap of faith; he was more normal than I thought possible, was a great Dad and proposed to J as well as me, and he really loves me......I know it totally blew my mind too. I still only gave us a year, I had no faith in marriage. We laugh about it now. My Mother, who is another hero to me, married my now adopted dad, Loren, who has been in my life in an appropriate, safe way for 11 yrs. I didn't know how much I needed a dad till God gave me one. And God threw in extra family with him too, if it could get better. My Mom is so happy. God is good.

Ryley was also a gift in my life, she really completed and brought both of our families together. Because of her I got to learn about re-prioritizing, and learned time with my family was so much more important. I took 4 yrs. off work, and joined Mops. I met a good friends Tanna and Tarra there, they bought me a Bible, which I have read cover to cover, and over and over again. Thanks God. I started looking for a church to participate in. My neighbor had been inviting me for a while, I thought she was a Bible thumping freak......I was right, thank you Brytt. Since then I have prayed to know and walk with God more intimately. God has surrounded me with a great cloud of witnesses at seaside whom have seen me through a couple different jobs, seen me struggle with pride and control, with my old wounds. George had quadruple heart bi pass surgery last March where they artificially stopped and fixed his heart, I was so supported and loved on by God, through my family, my family and friends and seaside, even by some atheist friends whom I am sure were prompted by God to also fix my gutters, chop wood, and fix the heater, all which went to shit at the same time. During this time I kept reflecting on Lazarus, and Jesus' mercy as he wept for Lazarus.
I am still and will be a continual work of God till his time with me on earth is done. I now know that God seems to have a thing for all these wretches in the bible; Paul, Mary Magdalene, Judah, the tax payer, etc. I know now that my Abba and king in heaven is powerful , sovereign and more loving than is even fathomable. I don't regret any of this time or anything here, in fact I am thankful because now I can testify to you, but also I now work with other young girls and broken people who are full of despair whom have been cast aside, abused and have given up, and I can look at them with confidence and know that there is HOPE AND HEALING IN CHRIST FOR EVERYONE, because of what he has done to me, my family and friends. Now that big mouth I have been blessed with,still gets me into trouble sometimes but now I get to sing in a rock band at church and worship God......Amazing Love!!

Favorite scriptures:
Philippians 4:7, Philippians 4:13, Ephesians3:20-221, Psalms 18:2, Romans8:35-39*
Thanks to the Theology Class Psalms 73,(Thanks Bridget)

with solemn heart

For on this day shall atonement be made for you to cleanse you. You shall be clean before the LORD from all your sins. It is a Sabbath of solemn rest to you, and you shall afflict yourselves- Leviticus 16:30-31

How often do we take time to consider our sins? Are we blasé about our sin?
Are we glib when we speak of the cross?

The Day of Atonement was the most serious day of the Jewish year, the people were to cease from working and fast. The point was to meditate on their sins. God desired humble hearts for his people, so that when the priest made atonement for their sins their repentance would be born out of humility.

On Good Friday we gather in a similar way, with solemn hearts, to think about the price paid for our sin...but are we really meditating on our own sins?

Honestly- I could do a whole lot better. Growing up as a Christian, I tended to look forward to Easter and see Good Friday as the hoop you jump through to get to the candy. Now I have learned to think on the excruciating death God died for sinners (me).

Where I fall short is this idea of meditating on my own sin. When I think of my sins, it like an old credit card that is paid off, the debts paid in full, its all good. But that's not the right attitude. /the ideal would be to walk in, thinking of my own sin, and listening to the truth that my God, Jesus, died for all my pettiness. He died the most painful, awful death.

So instead of thinking about Easter, or thinking about a terrible death, I am going to think about my sin, my inability to save myself, right my wrongs. That without Jesus I cannot stand before God. What a terrible weight to bare, yet Jesus bore it all.

Notes from Saturday

Atonement

Session Three: Jesus Our Savior

We Have A Debt To Pay

We are sinners. The word sin basically means, “to miss the mark.” We are constantly missing the mark; we cannot meet the standard, which is God. God says in Leviticus 11:44, “Be holy, for I am holy.” This is the mark we missed, and so are separated from God.

1. Dead

“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind…” Ephesians 2:1-3.

2. Irreversible

We are, by our very nature, sinful. Paul explains this in Romans 5— we are born to sin. Through the disobedience of our first parents (Genesis 3) we inherit a will that is bent on sin. “Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned,” Romans 5:12.

3. Inescapable

And we cannot escape this sinful nature, we cannot correct it. Paul goes on to explain this when he says even when we desire to do what is right, we fail. “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me,” Romans 7:18-20.

The penalty for sin is death (Romans 6:23), each sin, every sin. With each sin we perpetrate an injustice against God, and we have no ability to pay the penalty except with death. So like Paul in Romans 7:24, we can say “Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?”

The Day of Atonement

We are condemned to die. God is holy and He told the people of Israel, “You shall therefore be holy, for I am holy.”

1. God’s Dwelling Place

This they could not do, so God set up a system that would allow Him to dwell among them (Ex 29:45). To accomplish this, God set up a dwelling place (Hebrews 9:1-5) and a system of Law to show the people their sin and a sacrificial system whereby people would sacrifice a perfect, unblemished animal to pay the penalty of death for their sins.

God’s holy dwelling place was called the tabernacle or the tent of meeting. To read about the design more fully check out Exodus, chapters 25-28. There is a courtyard, inside of that was the “tent” which actually had two rooms. The first was called the holy place, where members of the priesthood were burning incense and offering sacrifices each day. The second room, within the first but behind a veil, called the “Most Holy place.” This is where the presence of the Lord was, and no one could enter (Lev 10:1-2, 16:1-2).

2. Kepher

In Hebrew the word translated as “atonement” is kepher. It generally means “cover over” and “pacify” and “propitiation.” God set aside one day specifically for the purpose of atonement. It was the only day of the year when any one could access the presence of the Lord, and then it was only the High Priest (Lev 16).

For God’s people, this was a day of mourning, a day of remembering their crimes against God. Leviticus 16:29-31 instructed them thus-“You shall humble your souls and not do any work, whether the native or the alien who sojourns among you; for it is on this day that atonement shall be made for you to cleanse you; you will be clean from all your sins before the Lord. It is to be a Sabbath of solemn rest to you, that you may humble your souls…”

On this day the high priest would first sacrifice a bull as a sin offering for himself and his family, so that he would be able to be God’s agent for the people. He would then cleanse himself with water and put on the holy garments (see Ex 28). All the people of Israel would be gathered around the tabernacle, the men in the courtyard. There would be two goats taken from the people- two animals perfect and unblemished. Lots would be cast and one goat would be sacrificed for the sins of the people, its blood sprinkled on the “mercy seat,” which represented God’s throne, in the Most Holy Place. God required this blood offering, instructing the high priest to “make atonement for the holy place, because of the impurities of the sons of Israel and because of their transgressions in regard to all their sins; and thus he shall do for the tent of meeting which abides with them in the midst of their impurities,” Leviticus 16:16.

The other goat would be the “scapegoat.” When, through the blood of sacrifice, atonement was made, the high priest was to offer the live goat. He would put his hands on the goat and confess all of the sins of Israel, “and he shall lay them on the head of the goat and send it away into the wilderness…The goat shall bear on itself all of their iniquities to a solitary land” Leviticus 16:21.

3. But Sin Remains

And yet, for all of this, the people did not have access to the presence of God. The author of Hebrews puts it best, explaining the deficiency of this to propitiate the sins of the people. “For since the law has but a shadow of the good things to come instead of the true form of these realities, it can never, by the same sacrifices that are continually offered every year, make perfect those who draw near. Otherwise, would they not have ceased to be offered, since the worshipers, having once been cleansed, would no longer have any consciousness of sins? But in these sacrifices there is a reminder of sins every year. For it is impossible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins” Hebrews 10:1-4.

Once and For All

Jesus’ work so fully satisfied God. There is no more need for the Old Testament system. Through His sinless life, His death and His resurrection He became our perfect sacrifice, our eternal scapegoat and our permanent high priest.

1. Jesus our Sacrifice

Jesus died for our sins. Isaiah 53:3 says “But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed. Jesus was, like the sacrifices of the Old Testament, perfect, unblemished, without the stain of sin.” See also Hebrews 5:9.

Jesus is our perfect sacrifice because he truly freed us from the penalty of our sins, bearing our suffering and the death we deserved in our place. Romans 8:1-3. We have been justified by Jesus’ death; His blood has cleansed us and will cleanse us, bringing us into relationship with God, Romans 5:8-10.

He was more perfect because He is infinite; therefore the death He died only needed to occur once to cover all sins of all people, Hebrews 9:22-26. A once and for all sacrifice required not a finite being but an eternal one. Jesus’ life was the only payment an infinite God could accept for full atonement, Hebrews 10:10-12.

2. Jesus our Scapegoat

“For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God,” 2 Corinthians 5:21. Like the scapegoat on the Day of Atonement, Jesus bore all of our sins upon Himself.

Jesus’ lived to take away our sins (1 John 3:5) and when He died He bore the weight of every sin (1 Peter 2:22-24). As it says in Isaiah 53:6, “All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.” Jesus is our scapegoat, bearing our sins and then rising from the dead, defeating sin, and our sins are atoned for. “Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men,” Romans 5:18

Therefore, Jesus was both our unblemished sacrifice and eternal scapegoat and because of this we now have right standing before the Lord (Romans 3:21-26). Jesus died to vindicate the righteousness of God. Because God is perfectly satisfied with Jesus as our sacrifice and scapegoat, we now have this justification.

3. Jesus our High Priest.

God, being perfectly satisfied with the work of His Son, is also perfectly satisfied with those who put their trust in Him. In this way, Jesus is our High Priest, representing us (the people) before the Lord (1Timothy 2:5). And Jesus has surpassed the office of high priest, as the author of Hebrews tells us in 4:15-16, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

The point is that we have a High Priest. Jesus. He is our mediator, our confessor, our intercessor (Hebrews 7:23-8:2). And Jesus as our high priest offered up for us the most perfect offering, “For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified,” Hebrews 10:14.

In light of what we have gained, undeservedly and at terrible price, look at Hebrews 10:19-22. “Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.”

Dominic

When we have a son, his name will be Dominic. Kit let me in on this decision the day before we were married...and I didn't like the name. But then I read about St. Dominic, a mendicant who lived in Italy in the 1200's. I like Dominic.

The way things worked at that time was the really religious guys would go out into the woods, retreat from the world and cast off all their worldly possessions. Francis of Assisi was the big name of the day, and he was strict in his asceticism- so much so that he didn't allow his followers any religious texts (or any other possessions, for that matter). Another movement of the time was the Albigensians, who converted the people of southern France to Catholicism by force. "Convinced there was a better way to combat heresy, Dominic set out to preach and teach orthodoxy." He encouraged his followers to be well armed intellectually, and encouraged training in truth to combat the heresies of the day.

Heresy is an idea that is held in opposition to orthodoxy, or to put in more plainly, its an idea that is skewed from what the bible has laid down for us as truth. Sometimes the heresies of our day are plain, for example, the idea some people put forward that "Jesus was a good guy but he never claimed to be God," or "There's no one way to get to heaven."

Sometimes they are more subtle (i.e "when Paul told women to submit to their husbands he only said it because that was what the world was like at the time and it doesn't apply to us today."), or the thoughts are posed in such a way where we want to scratch our heads and say, "Does the bible really line up with that?" (a la Eve).

Here is where a practical knowledge of the bible and theology comes in handy- this is what we mean by theology for daily living...A firm knowledge of God and His Word that equips us to combat the heresies of our day.

C.S Lewis in writing about the necessity of theology in our daily lives, said, "Theology is intensely practical: especially now. In the old days there was less education and discussion, perhaps it was possible to get on with a very few simple ideas about God. But it is not so now. Everyone reads. Everyone hears things discussed. Consequently, if you do not listen to theology, that will not mean you have no ideas about God. It will mean you have a lot of wrong ones..."

The order Dominic set up is called the Dominicans (creative, huh?). The goal was to teach intelligent, orthodox beliefs to their followers to enable them to go forward and make sound arguments against the heretics of their day. As we talk with our non-Christian friends (and our Christian ones), its good to have a sound doctrine, a firm knowledge of what God has said, of who His Son is. Not so we can take them down a notch, not to obtain "knowledge which puffs up" but "wisdom that builds up" so that we can "speak the truth in love" and "hold fast to the confession of our faith."

What's So Funny About Peace, Love, and Understaning?

I was just reflecting over the discussion questions from last month's theology class. At our table we didn't quite get to all the questions, so this was the first time... in a long time... I have had a moment to sit and meditate over them. The last question stuck out to me....

"In light of the fact that we our God’s kids, how then should we relate to one another? We are in fact one family- is it difficult for you to view other Christians as your brothers and sister? Do you treat the church body as intimately as you do your immediate family?"

As I think of this question... and the questions we have been going over in home group, about how we are maturing in Christ and Serving the Lord, it is easy to go straight to YES!!! But as yes is so rarely the answer... I took it a little deeper. Am I patient with people? Am I quick to judge? Do I show grace? Do I even do this for my immediate family. I like to think I have grace, but as I have slid deeper and deeper into serving, I have found myself frustrated with how slowly it all gets done. Patience is the key theme to my life. God is pounding this lesson into me from all directions right now. In service, at work, in health, at home, in love, and with people. And just as I think that I have learned the lesson of patience.. God provides another situation for me to learn even more.

So this question... No Christians are all my brothers and sisters... some seemed a little more estranged than others. Having grace for people and fighting bitterness are so important. Not only for me but those around me. My complaints about other people, no matter how truthful do not portray God in the light He deserves. Shame on me.
I leave you with portion of Acts 8:21-24

21"You have no part or portion in this matter, for your heart is not right before God.
22"Therefore repent of this wickedness of yours, and pray the Lord that, if possible, the intention of your heart may be forgiven you.
23"For I see that you are in the gall of bitterness and in the bondage of iniquity."
24But Simon answered and said, "Pray to the Lord for me yourselves, so that nothing of what you have said may come upon me."